I’m doing it again.

I hate admitting that sometimes I let my imagination get the best of me. I went on one date with The Writer. One. I basically had an anxiety attack before the date. I had to keep myself from having another one in front of him when I woke up in his bed at 2 a.m. and remembered that I had to be up for work in 4 hours. I was sure that when I left him in the middle of the night when he was practically begging me to sleep over that he would never want to hang out with me again.

But then on Sunday afternoon, he text me and asked if I wanted to hang out when he got back from Vegas that night. I was so excited it was ridiculous. I completely changed my plans for the entire day just so I could have time to see him. And then, as can usually be expected, he flaked on me. Now, last night that didn’t bother me.

I ended up going to get a drink with my best friend and driving to WeHo to make a quick visit to The Editor’s, whom I have not seen in over a year. I had a good time. Now I remember why I liked him so much. And then after about an hour, I went to see The Barista and we hung out for the rest of the night.

Anyway, maybe its because I’ve smoked a little marijuana, but I can’t help thinking that I really like The Writer. I’ve been thinking about him a lot and really, really wanting to see him again. I even text him today, something I rarely do with guys that I’ve just started talking to. The problem is, I can’t figure out if I like him or the idea of us together. Like, he could be any good looking guy, as long as he gives me the perfect amount of attention. I don’t know how to tell them apart until I hang out with them a few times. But since he’s ignoring me, that’s kind of hard to do. I just wish I was able to stop imagining this perfect relationship when its obviously not going to happen, anytime soon at least.

I added a new page: The Players.

I decided to add a page so that you can read a short description of all of The Players, which will hopefully make things slightly less confusing. Check it out.

The Players.

Let me introduce you to a few men in my life.

The Barista. We met in high school. We were together for about a year, but we broke up on New Years Eve ’09/’10. We’ve stayed pretty close. He’s like my go-to guy. Anytime I need to vent or talk about shit going on with school/work/friends he’s there for me. Its almost like we’re together but I can’t get him to talk about the future or about our relationship, and he won’t officially commit. If he doesn’t want to commit than neither do I. When I’m drunk I like to tell him I love him, and he’s the only guy that I ever let sleep in my apartment.

The Musician. He’s five years older than me. We dated for a few months starting last May. I’ve never had more chemistry with anybody in my life so far. It got pretty serious between us, then, right after my 21st birthday he told me that I deserved more attention and that he needed to focus on his music. Two weeks later, I found out via Facebook that he was in fact dating this red-headed freckly model who was definitely younger than me. I called him out on it, removed him from my life, and didn’t hear from him for about three weeks. Then, he text me out of the blue saying he missed me, and we started hooking up again. No commitments; its strictly physical. I’m fairly certain the red-headed freckly model is out of the picture.

The Actor. He’s a little bit complicated. I met him in January through one of my coworkers; she’s his sister. Of all the men currently in my life, I actually think I like The Actor the most. It may be because he’s the hardest one to hang out with. I can never make plans with him. Every time we do, he has to break them. But he’s awesome at the spontaneous 10pm text, “What are you doing right now?” Most of the time, I’m not really doing anything when he texts me that. He makes me laugh, I love spending time with him. However, it has recently come to my attention that I like him because I hardly ever see him.

The Editor. I met him in ’08 when I lived in San Francisco. He was my manager, so we weren’t really supposed to be friends, yet I found myself flirting with him and he always flirted back. I kinda sorta had a crush on him. Coincidentally, when I moved back to LA, he moved here too. We hooked up a couple of times during the Summer of ’09, while me and The Barista were having relationship issues. The hooking up sort of stopped when I started seeing The Musician, but now he’s back and we’re still trying to figure out when is a good time for both of us. So far, no success.

The Pilot. I met him last night. The Musician took me out to this art show in Hollywood, but I left him alone for two minutes and I found him talking to two ridiculously drunk sluts (harsh, I know, but you seriously should have seen these two). So, I turned around and asked the guy behind me, “What do you do when your date is talking to two girls right in front of you?” Thus, starting my friendship with The Pilot. I think I might go see him tonight.

Those are all the men I can think of right now that are impacting my day-to-day life. I’ll let you know how tonight goes!